The X-Men #6

"Sub-Mariner Joins the Evil Mutants"
Cover date:  July 1964
Written:  with the flair of Stan Lee
Drawn:  with the air of Jack Kirby
Inked:  with the care of Chic Stone
Lettered:  on a dare by S. Rosen

"Even superior mutants with supernatural powers have to eat dinner the same as we... and that's where our story begins... in the dining hall of the mysterious building which houses... the X-Men!"


And right there in the dining hall we have the first of many odd, ridiculous, or downright baffling moments in an issue that seems to be made up of little else. The X-Men are eating dinner and Professor Xavier thanks Jean for helping out with the meal on the cook’s day off. Odd, we’ve never seen a cook at the mansion in the previous 5 issues. Or the several hundred that follow, for that matter. Stranger, we see Iceman using his powers to make pie a la mode, though I’m not sure why he’s referring to creating ice cream, rather than just ice, other than to make it a cute scene. Jean snatches it from him with her telekinetic powers and chastises him for not using a fork, reminding him how Professor X feels about table manners. I never realized that Professor X had such strong feelings one way or the other about table manners, but I suppose he does. The rest of the first two pages is a rather ham-fisted, though effective reminder of the premise of the book and also sets up what there is of a plot. Jean wonders aloud if there are other mutants living among them that they are unaware of, and Professor X happens to be reading a story about Namor, the Sub-Mariner, in the paper and suspects that he too is probably a mutant. I’m not sure why he would assume that, since he’s already been around for decades in Marvel time before Professor X and his X-Men showed up on the scene. At any rate, Xavier decides that they ought to seek him out before Magneto can get to him.


Coincidentally, Magneto is already planning to go after the Sub-Mariner. Of course he is. After the usual squabbling and fisticuffs among his minions in the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, Magneto sits down and pulls off one of the most bizarre, illogical feats of his entire career by projecting his mental image to roam the Earth to find the Sub-Mariner. There is no effort made to explain how Magneto can do this. There isn’t even a piece of Kirby-tech whipped up to aid him in this. It just happens and is apparently meant to be part of Magneto’s power set at this point.

Back at Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters, Professor X does the same thing. He is, however, a telepath, so you’d expect him to have this ability. Being that he’s projecting his mental image, he is unencumbered by his crippled legs (even making note of it for the reader) and “walks” into the ocean. Once his mental projection is at the bottom of the ocean, he senses that Magneto’s mental image is also on the trail in the same exact place. Xavier makes the baffling decision to avoid being detected by Magneto and letting his enemy do the work of finding Namor for him first, which makes absolutely no sense because the entire point of Xavier looking for Namor was to find and get to him before Magneto.

Prince Namor is throwing one of his standard hissy fits in his throne room after being defeated by the Fantastic Four and being rejected by his perpetual object of obsession, the Invisible Girl (in “Fantastic Four” #27). He spends a lot of time huffing and puffing and stomping around chewing up the scenery (almost literally, when he throws a statue across the room) going on and on with the usual bile that he always has on hand for all surface dwellers. Apropos of nothing, there’s a lit torch next to Namor in his throne room. I’m not sure how it’s burning, considering that the palace is underwater. Perhaps the room is sealed off and they’re all breathing air, but I don’t think the rest of the Atlanteans in the room are meant to have that ability. Magneto, perhaps wisely, does not approach Namor directly, and instead convinces one of Namor’s underlings to approach him broach the subject of an alliance with him by telling the poor shlub that once Namor is gone, he can have all the power of Atlantis for himself. The underling dutifully does so, and Namor wonders himself why he’s never considered that he too might be a mutant. I’m not sure why he would, but there’s a considerable debate over the next several decades whether he is or not, starting right here. Even Marvel aren’t sure at this point, and in the letters page, offer a No-Prize if a reader can come up with a definitive reason why he should or shouldn’t be. Namor races off in some kind of submarine (why?) to go meet Magneto because he “must see this fellow mutant for [him]self” and learn what his power is. (Hint: his name is “Magneto.”) Meanwhile, the X-Men have sussed where Magneto’s island lair is due to convenient reports of some goings-on with a freighter and its wacked-out compass readings several days before. It didn’t hurt Xavier’s investigation that the ship was magnetically lifted out of the water and dropped elsewhere. So they rent a boat and set sail to go after Magneto, now that Xavier is convinced that Namor is with him. A lot of time and effort would have been saved if Xavier had just approached Namor himself instead of allowing Magneto to get to him first.

The Sub-Mariner shows up at Magneto’s island and immediately out-does Magneto with his imperial prancing around and arrogance routine. Magneto senses that he needs an “in” with Namor and immediately snags the Scarlet Witch as his bait to get the guy to shut up and listen to him. Namor, ever the poon hound, is immediately taken with her, although the Scarlet Witch seems even more enamored with him than he is with her. She makes a mental note of noble he looks, and how his slim-yet-muscular swimmer’s body looks in his green sequined Speedo. Who can blamer her? After all, she’s used to hanging around with an angry megalomaniac, a creepy old man into mind games, a glorified Wack Packer, and her brother. (And no, we aren’t going to address which among that group she prefers to spend her intimate moments with several decades later in the Ultimate Universe.) She tries to make a pass at him, but inadvertently triggers her hex powers potentially injuring Namor, but since she’s got a pair of tits, he’s all too willing to let her explain that it was a mistake --something he’d never have the patience for under the same circumstances with a man.

Inexplicably, the Angel pops out of nowhere to attack the Brotherhood without the rest of the X-Men who are still on their boat. Namor makes short work of him by hurling him back toward the boat and the rest of his teammates. But now the X-Men have announced their presence and blown their cover in the most useless way, so Magneto fires up the weapon that takes up most of the real estate on his ilsand base (and wouldn’t you know, it’s shaped like a horseshoe magnet?) and obliterates the X-Men’s boat while it’s still out to sea. The X-Men are thrown off and scattered, but Professor X is still hilariously in his wheelchair. Even more hilariously, the Beast treads water just below the surface while holding him up, wheelchair and all, explaining what he’s doing, all the while his head is below water. Iceman proves surprisingly bright and creates a float made out of ice or them to make their way to land. For the third issue running, they are briefly duped by Mastermind’s illusions until Professor X clues them in that they aren’t real. And when Quicksilver runs up behind him at super-speed to attack, Cyclops has the nerve to exclaim, “It’s impossible! No one can attack with such blinding speed!” These kids don’t catch on very quick, do they? Battle briefly ensues until Marvel Girl hoists Quicksilver with her telekinesis, using his own speed to spin him around and make him dizzy before he’s taken prisoner by the X-Men. This, of course, sends the Scarlet Witch into hysterics. Magneto is going to aim his giant horseshoe at the X-Men again to destroy them once and for all. Even more hysterics from the Scarlet Witch, because her brother is with them. Magneto threatens her and Namor, being the noble ladies man takes offense for her, turns on Magneto. Fighting. Then the X-Men make their way to where Magneto and Namor are. More fighting. Magneto makes a break for it, leaving Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch behind. The X-Men confront Namor. Even more fighting. Professor X shows up with Quicksilver under his mental command and tells everyone to knock it off. More hysterics from the Scarlet Witch because her brother is under Xavier’s mental command. Namor goes after Magneto because he is insulted that he’d been made a pawn, Magneto turns the horseshoe on him, Namor fights off its effects, destroying it, and then heads back into the sea, hating the surface world more than ever. Magneto and the Brotherhood escape. The End.

As you’d imagine from the lack of enthusiasm in that last paragraph, there’s a lot of pointless fighting going on in this issue and it’s difficult to muster a lot of interest in it, despite how action-packed it is and how well it’s rendered by Jack Kirby. Fight scenes in comics are generally not something I have much interest in and there are a LOT of them in these Silver Age issues. But there is also a lot of great character work in them as well. Interestingly, most of the great character work comes through in the guest stars and villains, and not so much the X-Men themselves. Even when there is a lot of time devoted to their characterization, they don’t come off as very likeable. They do a lot of snapping at each other that is less funny and cute when it’s the villains doing it among themselves. The Sub-Mariner gets all the best scenes in this book. He’s such an arrogant ass most of the time throughout his history, and it’s all on display right here. That he can upstage Magneto on that front in this book goes to show just how big a part it plays in his character. That, on top of the downright bizarre plot points and dialogue throughout the book make this issue a fun read, even if it’s campy and ironic fun.